Online Dating’s Visual Deceit!

Anyone who dates or has dated online will tell you – we have all fallen victim to what I like to call “Visual Deceit”! Some deceptions include (but are not limited to) the person’s height, weight, amount of smoking, amount of drinking, weekly workout frequency, and (of course, the biggie) body type.

Women will probably state 10-20 pounds less than what they really are, give or take a few, sometimes more, sometimes less. Of course, the pictures that they post on their profile will show them in only the best lighting, angle, and/ or whatever other tricks one does to make them look MUCH better, skinnier, and more fit than they really are.

For men, they typically state 1 to 3 inches taller than they really are and that they make much more money than they really do. Similar to the ladies, they also post deceiving pictures where you can’t really tell how tall they are, what kind of physical shape they are in, and how much they really love puppies and children. LOL!

As superficial as this may sound, why would you lie about your appearance? People will find out sooner or later! And when they do, they realize that you just lied. Look how unappealing and unattractive you really just became!

Come on people, just BE REAL. Wouldn’t you want the other person to be real with you? I have searched high and low for examples from other people. Most men have experienced the “Whoa, when did she gain 20-30 pounds?” On the other hand, most women have experienced the “He looked much taller in his pictures! Not a midget at all!!”

Aren’t those just the qualities that we men and women want to be and strive/ wish for; to be skinnier and to be taller? Well, I say if someone doesn’t like you, eff ‘em, and move on. My infamous phrase as of late is “NEXT!” You can’t start anything serious off with a lie, can you? But I guess they think they can. Maybe it’s the “I know I don’t look much like my pictures but hopefully, my charm and amazing personality will win them over.” A great example of this is one of my own experiences.

I’ll start this off by saying I’m only 5 feet tall… like on a good day. My height requirements include a much more wide range of acceptable heights than most of you taller ladies. Although 5’6 inches is pretty much my cut off height, or rather shortness. I know, this sounds horribly shallow! Hahaha!

This brings me to who I will name Stuart. I started talking to Stuart via Match.com messaging. His original message to me was not only very engaging, but he also mentioned something in my profile that made it clear that he actually read my entire profile. We messaged each other back and forth for about 2 weeks, then chatted on the phone for another week before actually meeting. Already to me, he was clever, witty, funny, smart, and super easy to talk to. His profile stated that he was 5’6”, works out 3-5 times a week, and athletic and toned.… well…

When I met Stuart, he was definitely shorter than I had imagined he would be… but he was such a nice guy and we got a long so well, it was easy to overlook… THIS TIME. He was wearing a nice casual button up shirt, long dark jeans, and sort of boot like shoes. We sat at a bar table at a piano bar and grooved, sang, and laughed all night! It was a great time!

Well, date #2 was at my home gym where I also teach classes. He said he was athletic and toned and has had experience in martial arts. His profile also stated that he went to the gym 3-5 times a week… Well, when he came to work out with me wearing shorts… I could see the truth – I saw the light! Really though, the light was shining (glaringly) on his skinny and super white chicken legs. AND now that he was wearing shorts and I could see his shoes, he was shorter than the last time I saw him!

You can’t lie about your height AND lie about working out. Because when we work out and you (the supposed man) are not as strong as me, there’s a problem. Big problem. Albeit, I AM undoubtedly a freak of nature being unnaturally strong for my size–  you just can’t be weaker and smaller than me! It makes me uncomfortable to be “the man”…

So in this boxing class we did together, and the last time I ever saw him… it was evident that he was not athletic and toned… and his heavy bag didn’t move… like EVER. So how could he put athletic and toned and works out 3-5 times a week on his profile? Did he think I would never notice that he was shorter than 5’6” and not in shape? LOL!

This also reminds me of a similar story of an old friend of mine, who we will call Elaine. I was with her when she created her Match.com profile. She insisted on stating in her profile that she worked out 3-5 times a week and was a social drinker. In reality, she worked out 3 times that month (maybe 5 times that year) and was definitely a more than moderate drinker.  I was like, why are you lying? Her response: I CAN be that way. Like, WTF?! Are you lying or are you planning on “changing” for someone else? Either one seems ridiculous and unhealthy.

Here’s what I learned from all this: Acceptance. Accept the fact that this will happen. I can’t change the world. I can’t just tell people they should be real on their profile. Well, I guess I am right now. But it happens whether I like it or not. I’ve just learned how to accept it. But if you are not attracted to the other person, you are just not attracted. Period. Why waste each other’s time with the bull honkey of “it’s what I wish I was… “

But also, and more importantly, ACCEPT YOURSELF! Who you are is who you are! There is zero point at this age to put on charades for other people. When you create a façade about yourself to others, you lie to yourself and to everyone that meets you. So when the charades become too exhausting to uphold, the truth with prevail. It always does… at least that’s how the saying goes anyway.

On my profile, I have 26 pictures of me doing all kinds of different, fun, and silly things. Some pictures posted are sexy, have funny faces, have lots of smiles, with a full face of makeup on, or with no makeup on at all. Hopefully, it depicts all the facets or my personality well and not just glamor shots. Hahaha! What you see if what you get. I think seeing all sides of someone right off the bat leaves no room for surprises when you meet. It’s refreshing when what you saw online is what you get in person. And it just seems like the right thing to do… the truth, imagine that! ;)